There seems to be some sort of 4 year cycle that occurs in my life. So it has only occurred twice, but it's still worth noting. I've always been one to accept that people come in your life for some time and leave without reason.
I guess I can give the example of high school, since I still am in the process of going through that second cycle. I definitely did things differently back then. I had lots of people around me at all times, and not too many of them really close to me. As we all became distant, physically and mentally (some of us decided to mature, some didn't), what was left for me was less than a handful of close friends. As I'm good at repressing unwanted memories, I'm sure it was difficult letting go at the time, but now I'm more than happy with the couple people I'm still close to from high school.
This time around, in college, I decided to get to know fewer people and build stronger friendships with them. I assumed to a certain extent that since I didn't keep around many acquaintances, it was assumed that these friendships were to last.
Yet again, distance is always a test, and even this time around I'm experiencing the realization that some people are in your life only for a limited amount of time, however close you thought you were to them.
I don't think it tells me that I obviously wasn't as close to them as I was to those friends of mine that survived the test of time, it tells me that friendship isn't as selfless as people make it out to be. I believe, to a certain extent, that people are selfish, and I find that there's nothing wrong with that. After all, you first have to make sure you're happy before you can make someone else happy. Which is why I'm so amazed at mothers. I can't imagine ever being so in control of my life that I can give all my attention to another being who is that helpless and solely dependent on me. But I'm digressing. Where I'm going with this is that friendship is two-way. I've come to realize that those friends that don't pass the test of time were probably just there because you needed them to help with a certain aspect of your life and they needed you. As you both change and grow out of that stage, you don't feel the need for each other. It's a rational and detached way of thinking about it, but maybe that just helps me to accept the reality of losing friends.
4 comments:
that's depressing. the only reason it's in cycles of 4 is bc your last two schools have been 4 years long. you'll find the next cycle to be 6 years long prolly.
and who was this entry in reference to? I'm assuming you won't publish that on your blog -- so email me! :-)
Aw, that is depressing. But, I think we all go through this when we leave school or some other place for something new. I'm still foolishly and desperately holding on to random friendships I'm not sure are meant to last beyond cal (or whitney, for that matter).
On a non-depressing note: I can't wait to see you next week! I want the amazing cake you told me about!
Yeah you're right thought. It's sad but true. Story of our lives *sigh* the "idiots" prevail.
Anyways I've been M.I.A. (which is ironic considering you're the one who's in another country) Don't hate me, I still love you. I'm actually kind of craving your almond mini cupcakes right now but there's no one here to back me amazingness. Michael said "chocolate gnoche" the other day and I thought of you. It was a sad moment because I only know what that is because of you. *tears* haha
Oh jeez I just read this after we talked for the first in god knows how long!! It's funny but even when we don't talk for a while I always know we're still friends, and I'm always laughing to myself in terrible situations like, "Vaishali would appreciate this."
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